How do you help someone fall out of love?

I have this friend, she fell in love with a guy(my ex-best friend but thats another story) and its gone bad. The guy doesnt feel the same way and its destroying her. This girl is one of my best friends and her love for him is destroying her. It was alright to deal with until a big confrontation happened between her and his current girlfriend and now he doesnt want anything to do with my friend, she is crushed. All day she thinks about him and contemplates suicide and has even attempted it. The guy is not worth it and i care for my friend so much and the guy just messes with her head, they have had an on and off relationship and WHILE going out with his new girl, has gotten my friend to do ';things'; for him and shes so blindly in love she doesnt care. This guy has snuck into her heart and is poisoning her, shes not the good friend i once had, now shes a suicidal, obsessed, love-crazy girl. I want to help and get my friend back but i dont know what to do.How do you help someone fall out of love?
You are in a tough situation and your friend's is even worse.





First of all your friend appears to lack self esteem. She is not ready for any relationship and certainly not with your ex-best friend. She really could use counseling and this puts you in a really awkward place. How do you get her to counseling of any kind? Self-help group therapy? Religious affiliations? If she is suicidal, she probably can't handle large groups at this point so the smaller the better.





She needs to be able to see the reality of her situation, recognize her neediness and feelings of lack of self worth before she is going to be ready to heal herself.





You run the risk of losing her as a friend if you call him and tell him to back off because he will use that against you by telling her. You could, of course, make sure that his new girlfriend knew but then there is the risk that he will be free to use her full-time.





What's her relationship with her family? Where were they during the suicide attempt? How do they treat her? Can they help you help her? It doesn't sound as if anyone can just be straightforward with her because she is in denial and can't get past that.





Off the top of my head, my reaction was to suggest that you put their relationship into story form. Leave yourself out of it. Change some telling details - set it somewhere else - but make the general situation the same. The important part is to show the desperation of the woman and how the man behaves as a creep, taking advantage of the woman - stress those things. Don't make her a fool, just someone who needs to learn to love herself so that she can say, ';you can't treat me like this'; and hang up on him the next time he summons her. Perhaps you can show him talking to a buddy about how he has her running at the snap of his fingers. You get the idea.





Then tell her you don't know how to end the story, you don't know if she will remain strong. Ask her for suggestions about details in the story such as what she did to heal herself, to regain her self-esteem. Or you can show her finding someone to talk to (not a friend - a therapist or therapist substitute) how she finds other interests, likes herself more and him less and learns that she is too good for him.





It's difficult to help someone in this situation. She's has no perspective on the situation and doesn't seem to recognize the kind of help she really needs.





You sound like a really good friend.