Is really so difficult to fall in love?

Hello everybody.. I’m an 18-years old-girl, I live in a very small town lost somewhere in the worst European country, and maybe the worst country in the whole world.. I was born and I’m living in Italy -.-‘’ an horrible place with disgusting people, I hate this shitty hell and I’ll leave it and move to London as soon as I finish the High School next July.








I’ve got a lot of problems, I’ve been getting a terrible loneliness under my skin since I was 10, I’ve never been loved by anyone (starting with my parents) and I’ve never loved someone, I’ve never had a real friend, nor a boyfriend or a girlfriend (I mean, someone to fall in love with, not just someone to have sex with.. also because idk why but people here are all asexual @.@ I can have sex with someone only when I go in another country, don’t ask me the reason of this, it’s one of the things that are driving me crazy @.@).. I suffered sexual harassment when I was 10 and since then I suffered sexual trauma for about 5 years. I’ve been left alone by my parents, I suffered that hell all by myself, thinking people didn’t like me because I was wrong, I was guilty, I was disgusting. This lasted 5 years, and when I was 15 things slowly started to change, I got out of my trauma, started to have some kind of friends and finally surpassed my sex phobia. I felt like I was the queen of the universe for about two months, it was pure happiness.. but after that short period I realized things were not really changed. I was deeply changed, but people were still avoiding me, my “friends” were insincere and fake, no one feeling something for me. I thought I was too fat, and so too ugly (and actually it was true) to be loved by someone, so I went on diet and I lost almost 44 pounds in 2 years time, I tried to adopt different attitudes with people, trying to understand which was the right one, which one people would like. But no one has ever liked me (and I’ve never liked someone too, people here are all uninteresting, insignificant, close-minded and I’ve never had a feeling for someone), and this is still happening. It’s like I’m invisible, people don’t see me, I can’t start talking to someone, it’s like I really don’t exist. People here are all very antisocial, they have their provincial mentality and no interests, they’re not interested in travelling, knowing people, have experiences and so on, and this is actually a reason why it’s hard to find friends for me, and to fall in love. But this is not the only reason, and I’m afraid I’ve got something wrong inside me, I’m afraid things won’t change even when I’ll be in London or wherever else in the world.. I’ve never fallen in love (just a one-week crush last summer *.*)and I’m afraid of this, I’m afraid this will never happen, I’m afraid of I don’t clearly know what. How can I understand why am I wrong, what’s the wrong with me, why I can’t be someone’s Love Of My Life? Falling in love seems to be the easiest thing in world, it’s in every song, in every poem, in everyone’s eyes, but it doesn’t exist for me.. is really so difficult to fall in love? ):











Sorry for my pitiful English, and thank you for your answers (:Is really so difficult to fall in love?
Patients. Love just happens. We can't control it very well. I've loved my ex for 11 months after she left. I can't help it. And asexual people are not that rare. There are 60,000,000 world wide.





Your English is good. But it is ';a horrible,'; not ';an horrible.';


Sorry. Improper English is one of my pet peeves. Ironically I can't spell.